Driving Guide: X-Treme Wet Dorifto Style

[scarecrow]

Ok so I know there's a lot of you boy-racers around who wish they could drive like the pro's they see on "Initial-D", well guess what, with my help you can! Today's lesson is "X-Treme Wet Dorifto Style" driving and as the name suggests must be undertaken in the wet for full effect.

First your going to need to get your hands on a drift pig; Skyline preferably (R32 - R33, whichever you can afford) but if your on a budget then a 'Rolla or maybe even a late 70's Gemini. The basic aim of this exercise is to kill/injure your passengers and if you get really good at it you can even start taking down powerpoles.

Step 1: Location, Location, Location
Ok, so i've said it needs to be wet out; but there's a little more to it. Your going to want a night where the rain has been substantial, but still relatively light. Just enough needs to have fallen to cover the road and create some small puddles but not so much that all the oil and petrol gets washed away. This is important because a) a thin layer of static water will allow you to aquaplane somewhat and b) the oil and petrol deposits will give you that extra slip you need get the back end initially hung out.

Now basic drifting requires you use a corner as its extremely hard to maintain a drift lock on a straight unless your putting out a few hundred kilowatts at the rear wheels. Any sort of corner will do but for "X-Treme Wet Dorifito Style" you really need a large sweeping corner; preferably "blind" so that you cannot see oncoming traffic because of obscurities just inland of the apex. Oh and its best done at night so that when the newspaper photographers come around to take happy snaps of the wreckage your red on white p-plates will stand out massively against the night sky and everyone will know how cool you are.

Step 2: Passengers
Drifting's a dangerous penis extending activity and as such you should not attempt it unless your on your own, right? WRONG! Everybody knows drifting is only acceptable when your car is laden with passengers, preferably females as drifting with chicks in the car gives you +10 sex appeal points and will almost always result in you getting a blow job. Oh and make sure they're not willing participants, where's the fun in that?

Step 3: Getting the Rear Out
The success of any drift relates to the initial stepping out of the rear; this is especially the case when undertaking "X-Treme Wet Dorifto Style". I know I mentioned the Skyline earlier but in all probability you've already wrapped your Skyline around a pole and while waiting for the insurance payment to come through had to buy something a little cheaper and a little less powerful. Naturally you never considered buying a front wheel drive because they're for people with adequately sized genitalia who for some crazy reason don't understand that torque output in high three figured Newton-metres is much more important then predictable handling. Because your new ride is slightly underpowered compared to say, your mates 1000HP Supra, then you'll need to rely on cornering g-force to initiate the slide rather then a simple throttle blip.

You want to approach the corner from the outermost extremity of the road. Turn in hard, and when I say hard I mean full lock, and slam down on the accelerater while pumping the clutch (you should be in second). The combination of uneven power delivery to the rear wheels, high lateral g-force and a wet, slippery surface should see the rear end begin to slide out as the tyres lose traction.

Congratulations, your now drifting.

Step 4: Going X-Treme
If you know anything about rear wheel drive car physics, or just have a decent amount of common-sense about you, then your probably going to think that the best way to regain control is to keep your front tyres pointing around the corner and ease off the throttle allowing the rear wheels to regain traction and snap back into place. This, however, isn't at all extreme. For "X-Treme Wet Dorifto Style" you won't be needing that grip-theory knowledge or common-sense, what you need to do is immediately panic and begin to "correct" your steering. Its imperative that this is done as early as possible because if you wait to correct after the rear tyres have grabbed traction then your going to regain control. Regaining control makes you a complete wanker, you'll never get the aforementioned blowjob if you show people you know how to control a car.

While the rear end is slipping out and the car is begining to swing sideways assume opposite lock by frantically steering to the other side (which is now away form the natural direction of the corner; ie. if its a right hand bend, steer left at this point). Because your rear wheels still have no traction and your shifting the cars centre of gravity wildly in the opposite direction (this occurs through chassis roll as you steer the other way) then the rear wheels are now going to swing back through their original position and continue on in a wild arc. Ultimately if performed right you'll now be in the initial stages of a tight 180degree spin. At this point i'll mention that under no circumstances should you take the car out of gear, because by putting the car into neutral or reverse you would allow the tyres to unlock, resume traction and control and hence be able to stop safely.

As you chose a nice long sweeping bend there should be sufficient time and room for the car to complete its 180 degree spin. You'll be facing the opposite direction from which you entered the corner and if all goes well the rear end will still be sliding out towards the nearest gutter. Depending on your initial speed your drivers side rear wheel will either contact the gutter and absorb the impact through the rear axel and chassis bringing you to a swift stop, or alternatively, you'll still be carrying so much force that the rear wheel will actually hop up over the gutter and the will continue to spin until you hit either a nearby tree or power pole on the side of the road.

Upon successful completion of the "X-Treme Wet Dorifto Style" move immediatedly exit the vehicle. In all likelihood you will now have some severely injured, not to mention irate, passengers in the rear. You'll first need to wave off any nearby traffic who've stopped to witness how f**king awesome a driver you are, then check out the damage to your car before asking your passengers if they're okay. Now if the gutter didn't stop you and the car continued into a power pole or tree there's going to be some blood, and possibly three dead friends in the back, in which case you get +2inches of penis extension per corpse. If everyone survived then you still get +1inch of penis extension per person who cries out in pain from the force of the impact. Don't worry though, the upset/injured/dead passengers are definitely in awe of your amazing driving ability, despite them saying things like "your such a f**king dickhead" and "you can't drive for sh*t", they're just suffering from an initial and instinctual bout of jealousy.

Rest assured once this jealousy subsides they'll want to suck your penis, which of course is now significantly longer.

[SchumieFan]

dude thats pretty sick

[scarecrow]

Haha, "breat of chicken" ... "is that what you really want?" Poor hooters girl.

[SchumieFan]

hooters? i wish.... i havnt been that close to a woman in years my old chap... cant you tell???

[scarecrow]

We might be talking about different things then On the latest US "The Office" episode the boss goes to hooters and orders "Breast ... ... of ... chicken" and the waitress looks at him heaps unimpressed as he stifles a giggle. Pure comedy gold.

[poster]

love it!! so true...happend to friend...who almost geting his dick extensions...hahahhaha

[BuCkEt]

Bla bla bla

Hehehe, nice one.....I should go post that on a few RWD forums

Too bad FnF3 will only make it worse.