DIARY OF A NEW ZEALANDER IN QUEENSLAND .

FTEvolution · Post by **FTEvolution** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 4:33 pm

MUST READ!!
WARNING: HAS RUDE WORDS IN IT. FOR THOSE SENSITIVE SOULS - DO NOT READ!!!!!

August 31 - Just transferred with to our new home in Brisbane Queensland . Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.

September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the Mazda before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat sh*t. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant fuckin' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from fuckin' Sydney ....

October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the fuckin' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.

November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to fuckin' throttle him. Fuckin' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking fuckin' wet and I smell like baked cat!
November 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my fuckin' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my fuckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!

November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a fuckin' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and fuckin' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two fuckin' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fuckin' place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fuckin' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the fuckin' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the f**kers!

November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 fuckin' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid fucker. Fuckin' Brisbane ! What kind of sick, demented fuckin' idiot would want to live here!

December 1 -
WHAT!!!!
The first day of Summer!!!!
You are fuckin' kidding!

alekazam · Post by **alekazam** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 6:02 pm

hahaha best read all day

SchumieFan · Post by **SchumieFan** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 8:36 pm

yep thats about the gist of it... thats why im in sydney

everythings here, its not cold like home/melbourne but its not hot like fukin queensland

pity bout the bums

RallyMad · Post by **RallyMad** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:27 pm

Thats why I live in the mountains.......but November was fuckin hot. Rain at the moment is kicking arse though, more for the weekend

SchumieFan · Post by **SchumieFan** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:37 pm

RallyMad wrote:Thats why I live in the mountains......

no muppet!

we r trying to get away from the sheep!

not helping the image

Post by **vipfto** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:56 pm

Its so true though its exactly what it feels like for me just absolute insane extreme heat

RallyMad · Post by **RallyMad** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:57 pm

SchumieFan wrote:
RallyMad wrote:Thats why I live in the mountains......
no muppet!

we r trying to get away from the sheep!

not helping the image

Not that much in the mountains..............

Tippin · Post by **Tippin** » Thu Feb 04, 2010 11:14 pm

weather goin on in sydney right now is fkn bullsh!t

pointless washing the car

J · Post by J » Thu Feb 04, 2010 11:46 pm

sydney is all messed up

raining, hot, raining and hot ...geez FML

at least my car doesnt smell like burnt hair and a baked cut

Post by **Supplanter** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 12:19 am

Is everyone in New Zealand Emo?

koolio1234 · Post by **koolio1234** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:14 am

climate is currently fucked, this humudity is annoying as hell, hard to get sh*t done....feel bad for the poor buggers up in the north.

FTEvolution · Post by **FTEvolution** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 7:14 am

koolio1234 wrote:climate is currently fucked, this humudity is annoying as hell, hard to get sh*t done....feel bad for the poor buggers up in the north.

We *were* going to shift to Queensland this year, that fell through (thankfully) now the missus is trying to convince me to shift to Indonesia :S

35 deg and 80%+ humidity EVERY day? No thanks!!!

sublime19 · Post by **sublime19** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:24 am

Harden the #@%! up!

Post by **Bennoz** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:36 am

Haha! This ^^

Only poms are supposed to whinge. Time for a glass of concrete.

Post by **I8A4RE** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:37 am

sublime19 wrote:Harden the #@%! up!

bahahahaaha

SO true, You couldn't pay me enough to go live back in NZ

FTEvolution · Post by **FTEvolution** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:32 am

Crikey!

Dan25 · Post by **Dan25** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:00 pm

Pfft you're all a bunch of pansies.
Queensland is awesome. Easily the best state in Australia

I'm sitting in my boxer shorts right now, window open, strong breeze blowing through the house and I'm still sweating.

Wouldn't have it any other way

Not to mention when I drive to work with no aircon in backed up traffic, I arrive with a huge sweatpatch down my back.
As if you would live anywhere else!

sublime19 · Post by **sublime19** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:14 pm

lol @ glass of concrete

Dan25 wrote:Pfft you're all a bunch of pansies.
Queensland is awesome. Easily the best state in Australia

I'm sitting in my boxer shorts right now, window open, strong breeze blowing through the house and I'm still sweating.

Wouldn't have it any other way

Not to mention when I drive to work with no aircon in backed up traffic, I arrive with a huge sweatpatch down my back.
As if you would live anywhere else!

You sound like you're in dire need of a medal for your awesomeness.
I'll make you a nice gold one out turd next time I take a dump, bake it in the oven and express post it to you asap!

Dan25 · Post by **Dan25** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:16 pm

Can't you just email it to me? I want it now.

Astron_Boy · Post by **Astron_Boy** » Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:33 pm

Dan25 wrote:I'm sitting in my boxer shorts right now, window open, strong breeze blowing through the house and I Jizz in my pants!

Sorry, line so reminded me of the song