FTO AUSTRALIA

LOL

what to sex and engines have in common
they both can cost a lot of money and make the same 4 noises.........suck, squish, bang, blow

u treat ya cars like a treat ya women, get in the once a day and take them for a good thrashin

guy walks into a centerlink office and says to the girl behind the counter " im sick of being on the doll i want a job"
girl replys " well your in luck ive just had a rich old man come in looking for a body guard for his 18yr old nymphomaniac daughter, your to go with her where ever she goes, pay is 200k a year and all your clothes, food, living expenses and accomodation are all paid for" blokes says " uve got to be bullshitting me" receptionist replys " yeah well u started it"

what do u get when u cross a donkey with an onion
a piece of arse that will bring a tear to your eye

guy comes home late night from work and decides he is going to try and get a bit out of his missus
so he crawls under the covers and starts going down on her
she quivers and bit then blows all over his face so he thinks well f**k this im not going to get nothing
out of her now so he heads to the bathroom and finds his wife in there and he yells out
"what the f**k u doing in here" wife replys "ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh u will wake my mother up"...................


let me know when u guys picked yaselves up off the floor and ill post more i got heaps sorry most of them are dirty ones too hehehehehehehehehe

What do you call a woman who can balance three pints on her head while playing pool?


Beertrix Potter

Little johnny's breakfast

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A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got bugger all for breakfast'.

Scientists have just discovered a cake which causes women to loose 90% of their sex drive....

Its called a WEDDING CAKE !!!

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Farmer says to his wife"If you had bigger breasts we could get rid of the cow"

Farmers wife answers"If you had a bigger DicK we could get rid of the tractor driver"!

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad......or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

I heard it was the one who bleached his hair to try and disguise his ethnicity.

i sense picx coming?

phunkydude wrote:i sense picx coming?

see here: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=22319

sh*t. I just got home and found all the doors and windows open and everything gone! What kind of sick bastard does that to someones advent calender!

I LOLed

Supplanter wrote:I LOLed

Nobody saw you!

Some c**t did that to me last year. Ate all my chocolates.

brad_gpx wrote:Some c**t did that to me last year. Ate all my chocolates.

Walking the dog in Darwin

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look

No Christmas
No Jesus
No television
No cheerleaders
No nude women
No car races
No football
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No beer
Rags for clothes and towels for hats
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower
More than 1 wife
You cant shave
Your wife cant shave
You cant wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel sh*t
Your wife is picked by someone else
She smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

Bennoz wrote:Walking the dog in Darwin

OMG! thats terrible!

SchumieFan wrote:

Bennoz wrote:Walking the dog in Darwin

OMG! thats terrible!

yeah terribly funny.