Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:44 pm
FTO AUSTRALIA
Welcome to the f**king old FTO Australia forums!!
https://www.ftoaustralia.com/v3/
things that I should not do!
Page 2 of 3
Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 7:46 pm
this thread is so much win
Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 12:17 pm
Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 12:22 pm
Were do you get all these pics from Ben
Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 8:35 pm
words cannot express the laughter created by this post but it would be something like ROTFFLMFAOMFCFMTSFFS!Bennoz wrote:Baby freeSupplanter wrote:How is Kaz, by the way?Bennoz wrote:Up the bum, no babies ftw!
Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:19 pm
Bennoz wrote:Baby freeSupplanter wrote:How is Kaz, by the way?Bennoz wrote:Up the bum, no babies ftw!
Phahaha Mad kent..... Wonder what'd happen if she came on here and saw this thread teling people how you plow her poo shute..... Pahahaha sounds like a tried and true method though!!!
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 7:33 pm
Did you know?
That the words "race car" spelled backward spells "race car".
That "eat" is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate".
I guess it's one of these things you say "why do I need to know that for" but yet it's interesting to know
.......................................................................................................................................................................................
Boat Launching Procedures
So here it is.
I just bought a new boat and decided to take 'er for the maiden voyage this past weekend.
This is my first boat and I wasn't quite sure of the exact Standard Operating Procedures for launching it off a ramp, but I figured it couldn't be too hard.
I consulted my local boat dealer for advice, but they just said ?don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat".
What am I doing wrong?
Well, I don't know what they meant by that as I could barely get the trailer in the water at all!
Any how, here is a picture below. See for yourself. What am I doing wrong?
You are going to love this guy!!!!!!!
That the words "race car" spelled backward spells "race car".
That "eat" is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate".
I guess it's one of these things you say "why do I need to know that for" but yet it's interesting to know
.......................................................................................................................................................................................
Boat Launching Procedures
So here it is.
I just bought a new boat and decided to take 'er for the maiden voyage this past weekend.
This is my first boat and I wasn't quite sure of the exact Standard Operating Procedures for launching it off a ramp, but I figured it couldn't be too hard.
I consulted my local boat dealer for advice, but they just said ?don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat".
What am I doing wrong?
Well, I don't know what they meant by that as I could barely get the trailer in the water at all!
Any how, here is a picture below. See for yourself. What am I doing wrong?
You are going to love this guy!!!!!!!
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 8:02 pm
f**king Lol..
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 8:33 pm
Somthing for all the ppl having a bad day today....
While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over
a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying
in wait...
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just
what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand
in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then
I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? ' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'
Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face........ ......... ... PRICELESS
While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over
a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying
in wait...
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just
what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand
in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then
I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? ' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'
Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face........ ......... ... PRICELESS
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 9:31 pm
I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door. They asked me what
I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I
think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub
her tummy and say "congratulations "but none of them rub your dick and
say "well done"?
Honestly some folk will take offence at anything....I met a bloke with
no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How
are you getting on?"
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby
"Is this yours?" she asked.
"Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!"
My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken
jaw. It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted
decking on the patio.
Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to
spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!!
What's the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a
rucksack?
The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.
Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in
my room disabled?"
"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her
twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the
symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with
big blue hair."
I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I
think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub
her tummy and say "congratulations "but none of them rub your dick and
say "well done"?
Honestly some folk will take offence at anything....I met a bloke with
no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How
are you getting on?"
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby
"Is this yours?" she asked.
"Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!"
My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken
jaw. It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted
decking on the patio.
Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to
spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!!
What's the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a
rucksack?
The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.
Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in
my room disabled?"
"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her
twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the
symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with
big blue hair."
Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:16 pm
Little Johnny on rations
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores..
'Not yet,' said Little Johnny .
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does
his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he
feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother
gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get
any eggs and bacon, and why don't I
have any milk in my
cereal? ' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you
kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't
get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't
getting any milk.'
Just then, his father comes down for
breakfast and kicks the cat halfway
across the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a
smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?'
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores..
'Not yet,' said Little Johnny .
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does
his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he
feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother
gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get
any eggs and bacon, and why don't I
have any milk in my
cereal? ' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you
kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't
get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't
getting any milk.'
Just then, his father comes down for
breakfast and kicks the cat halfway
across the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a
smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?'
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:52 am
I love this thread
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:52 pm
<a href="http://s50.photobucket.com/albums/f303/ ... ow1104.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f303/ ... ow1104.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 10:36 pm
hahaha, it so didalekazam wrote:<a href="http://s50.photobucket.com/albums/f303/ ... ow1104.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f303/ ... ow1104.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:10 pm
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 4:14 pm
what?SchumieFan wrote:fallyseekay?
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 3:43 pm
Gynecologist Visit!
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
doing so he asked her,
'Do you know what I am doing?'
'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities.'
'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts.
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
he asked.
'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer.'
'Correct,' replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his
patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting syphilis: which is why I came
here in the first place.'
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
doing so he asked her,
'Do you know what I am doing?'
'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities.'
'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts.
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
he asked.
'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer.'
'Correct,' replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his
patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting syphilis: which is why I came
here in the first place.'
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:04 pm
i lol'd so hard i fell off my chair and smacked my head on my bed
that is awesome
that is awesome
Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:59 am
I answered the door this morning and a 6 foot beetle punched me in the face and called me a c**t.
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round.
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round.
Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:13 pm
epic new emoticon!
FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND:
Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARRASSMENT?
A : Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND:
Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARRASSMENT?
A : Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.