The Guy's Rules!

[CSV]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

[Bennoz]

THE CODE...THIS IS THE CODE...

1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you're *~delightful!~*. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather
you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free
time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming Fag. A cat is like a dog,
but *~delightful!~*: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get
your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come
to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for *~delightful!~*.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko
and undeniably a Fag.

4. If you refuse to have a sh*t in a public toilet or piss in a parking
lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in
the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick,
wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard
ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know
what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your
mouth, you've had a dick in there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your arse. A
real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
crap as well as all the names of all the players in the AFL, Super 12
Rugby, NRL, Cricket, PGA, NBL, and V8 Supercar series. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you're *~delightful!~*. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're hungry
for man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at
slow-arse Volvo drivers or to cut the motherfucker off. The rest of the
time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger,
hold his beer, finger the beotch in the passenger seat (whoever she
happens to be), or, if he's a wog, talk on his mobile phone.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
sonnez le *~delightful!~*, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those
is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware.

[CSV]

lol Thats a good one!

[Supplanter]

Not that there's anything wrong with that.